excerpts & extracts

things overheard in public places (I) 5/01/2024

1. four men around 60 years old debating the best fishing spots they've been to, each trying to one up one another.
2. in a grocery store isle, a couple exchanged views on dinner plans, debating between pasta or tacos for the night; a brief look into their household regimen.
3. some middle aged man loudly practicing his speech for a job interview, complete with hand gestures and all. i hope he got the job at dairy queen.
4. at the pet store, i witnessed a customer trying to explain to the cashier why they needed a refund for a 'defective' goldfish, since it refused to play fetch.
5. a consultation between a student and his tutor, who discussed strategies for addressing his mathematical understanding.
6. waiting for the bus, i got a peek of a discussion between two senior pigeons reminiscing about their days as carrier birds during the war. their tales of confidential missions and heroism were bewildering.

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i've heard that before. 9/25/2023

random thought... what if we lived in a world in which we listened to music the same way we watch movies and shows.
the concept:
"want to listen to some music?"
"sure, why not."
"okay, cool. let's listen to no surprises by radiohead"
"nah, i can't... i've heard that before."

i wonder if people like this actually exist(?)

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(dis)relief 9/17/2023

the long awaited weekends; specific days i daydream about the second the school week starts.

saturdays and sundays never seem to last long enough.

they don't feel as relieving as they once did. i dread them now. - i've realized, like several other things, they must come to an end... gradually revealing the line of torture as the hours pass.

upon which i will remain in this continuous unsatisfactory loop of hatred, knowing i'll only get the modicum amount needed after an unbearable week. maybe a nap would help. or no sleep at all...
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priorities 9/16/2023

there’s something so exquisitely beautiful and delicate about a cat choosing to sleep besides you (out of all the possible spots).

it joins me on the sofa, resting his head on my thigh. eyes closed, with quiet purrs breathing. in my peripheral view, i see a tail slowly swaying side-to-side periodically. occasionally pausing in it’s tracks. as i pet the cat’s soft head, he lets out a relaxed fluttering sigh; the rewarding epitome of contentment.


even though i was going to finish some school work, and go somewheres… i don’t think i can leave the couch anymore - which i’m entirely fine with. getting up would demolish the calm slumber state that i have created for him. so, i’ll just stay seated here. at least for a little while. my life is (probably) adaptable to what will come out of ignoring errands. i’ll pay the consequences later.

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unrealistic goal syndrome 9/12/2023

i wish that i had a topic in mind for a full on dissertation. or maybe just deeper motivation to confidently begin.

i regularly get in the mood to write (stories, memories, journal entries, lists of some sort, etc). but, then i find my self feeling unable to actually start writing whatever it may be, due to the fact i subconsciously set this unrealistic goal before even attempting to start:

‘it has to be perfect’

now, this not only entirely prevents my brain from exercising and utilizing it’s full creative potential, but it also gives the impression that writing (which is something i genuinely enjoy doing) is an obligation, or chore. since i’ve established the same objective for a wide range of circumstances, without intending to, the same is true for various additional activities in my life. one being art, notably sketching/drawing, which is extremely therapeutic for me (when there aren't unreasonably high expectations).

after this happening way too many times, and bringing me very unsatisfactory results (aka no results, in this case), i’ve decided that this has to come to a stop.

difficult habits can take anywhere between 18-254 days to form. and seeing as my ‘habit’ shouldn’t be a terribly hard thing to get rid of/change, it’ll probably take around 14 days. so, this is my new realistic and healthy goal. - how am i going to do this, you may ask? well, every time i notice these thoughts forming in my skull, i’ll just completely shut it off, or reassure my self by thinking, “do you really want to do this right now? because if not, you’re not obligated to do so.”

anyway, these are some of the odd and random thoughts that are running around in my head today.

if you, or a loved one, experience UGS (unrealistic goal syndrome), i highly recommend this self help program. 100% guaranteed amazing outcomes once habit has formed (such as a well-drawn tree that you know for sure was for pleasure, not for duty).

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bothersome situation 9/11/2023

it is currently 10:49 pm. and i'm rather annoyed at my own garbage head right about now.

i know in my heart that i should be at least trying to sleep, so that i'll be able to fully immerse my self (have somewhat enough energy to actually zone-out completely, while defending myself from literal spawns of satan) in the amazing (chaotic and utterly painful) school day that is approaching me; of which i love (loathe. hate with my whole being) immeasurably.

but, instead of that... my brain has decided, "y'know what? if you don't sleep tonight, you won't have to go to your most cherished thing ever, school, (hell) as soon!" — well, brain, aren't you just an astute mental engineer. because, quite frankly, i can't see anything erroneous in this situation anymore.

so, instead of sleeping (not even getting a smidge amount), i'll be laying in bed. staring at the ceiling, as music thumps against my eardrums. and the dread i feel now, will just grow as the minutes pass.

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doubtful and uncertain 9/10/2023

i’m experiencing uncertainties and doubts regarding this entry, to say the least.

i’ve never had my own blog (or anything quite like it) before. with that, i’m not entirely sure what to write, or what i should be anticipating to happen when doing so.

there is a profuse amount about this site (among many others) that i have yet to learn; how to navigate, post, search up other human beings, and most importantly, use even somewhat properly at all. but, i will learn every detail wrapped up in this website. every speck of information there is, and is yet to come. it will all be absorbed by my very own brain, and kept there for eternity.

despite the few tribulations that have been standing in my way of true happiness and satisfaction (soon to be resolved by absorbing, and never to be forgotten), i have figured out something… how to openly write my thoughts on here! what a truly magnificent thing to have learnt! - especially when having such an abnormal amount of knowledge and literacy, that living simply leaves no other choice for the rest of humanity to drop to their poor oblivious knees, and beg relentlessly for your transcendental-like words. which, of course, happens to me on a daily basis without fail - and someone who resembles aspects of me (one who is filled with intelligence that completely floods over the brim) could never lie, or over exaggerate, about something so childish like this. for the reason that someone like me cannot experience childishness in any shape or form. it’s just not humanly possible, and it never has been.

if you have the intelligence of a child, you will act as one regardless of your appearance… so if your level of IQ is above the age of the oldest person to live, what does that make you? and who would that make me? the answer is easily accessible without say if you are far past the end of an adolescent-minded individual. with that being said, if you cannot comprehend my explanation, crawl back to your mother (if you can manage to crawl with such lack of mental faculty, that is) and start over.

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